Haven't posted in a blog in over 2 months, thought it was about time I updated. It's actual madness how much things have changed in just 2 months. Just been reading back my last posts and lol'd. I am now a happy and content lady. I'm with someone who makes me feel like nothing else in the world matters. And right now life is possibly the best it's ever been. I just hope it doesn't come crashing down anytime soon - see, yes, my insecurities are still in there somewhere, I just don't let them come out often anymore.
I don't really have much else to blog about. Apart from I've found the love of my life in the matter of 9 weeks, everything else in life is pretty much the same. The saying "same shit, different day" springs to mind. I'm pretty sure I've used that saying before somewhere on here? But even though everythings still the same, I'm so happy right now. The smile doesn't seem to be fading anytime soon. Oh... And the sex life, AMAZING!! On that note - goodbye friends, anon's, and just general nosey bastards :D
Tuesday 10 November 2009
Thursday 3 September 2009
You know that I could use somebody..
It's just been pointed out that I haven't blogged in a while, so I thought it a must that I make a post.
Haven't got much to say to be honest. I've had the house to myself for nearly a week now, I was enjoying the quiet time at first but now it's starting to take it's toll and i'm getting rather lonely. That sounds sad, but very true. Roll on the next couple of days, maybe I should sleep them away?
I've recently realised that it's time I was selfish, not in a bad way, but I have had people (or that should say A PERSON) in my life that has brought nothing but heartache, stress, and head fucks.. And I've let it happen. This person has now somewhat been cut out of my life, and it feels like fresh air. This person is the kind of person that does nothing but mess with your head, give you constant mixed signals, and just blatantly not good for sanity. Oh as well as lie about anything and everything possible. Goodbye rotten'ness.
On a plus side, I'm starting to build my self confidence again. I've been going to the gym quite alot, I used to have a really good body image and I thought I was really attractive. Over the past 2 years I've put on weight and my image has completely changed. So I've hit the gym and for the first time in a long time I feel confident and can look in the mirror and not feel sick.
I am crushing soooo bad on someone right now. That's not a shock to the system. My crushes change from week to week. Some would I'm greedy? I say... Well yeah, greedy. I guess I just appreciate female beauty alot more than your average person would.
I'm going shopping tomorrow, I think some retail therapy is guaranteed to bring a smile to my face.
I will blog again soon when there is much more to say.. Right now, mind is sort of blank. Happy thoughts?..... Needed.
Haven't got much to say to be honest. I've had the house to myself for nearly a week now, I was enjoying the quiet time at first but now it's starting to take it's toll and i'm getting rather lonely. That sounds sad, but very true. Roll on the next couple of days, maybe I should sleep them away?
I've recently realised that it's time I was selfish, not in a bad way, but I have had people (or that should say A PERSON) in my life that has brought nothing but heartache, stress, and head fucks.. And I've let it happen. This person has now somewhat been cut out of my life, and it feels like fresh air. This person is the kind of person that does nothing but mess with your head, give you constant mixed signals, and just blatantly not good for sanity. Oh as well as lie about anything and everything possible. Goodbye rotten'ness.
On a plus side, I'm starting to build my self confidence again. I've been going to the gym quite alot, I used to have a really good body image and I thought I was really attractive. Over the past 2 years I've put on weight and my image has completely changed. So I've hit the gym and for the first time in a long time I feel confident and can look in the mirror and not feel sick.
I am crushing soooo bad on someone right now. That's not a shock to the system. My crushes change from week to week. Some would I'm greedy? I say... Well yeah, greedy. I guess I just appreciate female beauty alot more than your average person would.
I'm going shopping tomorrow, I think some retail therapy is guaranteed to bring a smile to my face.
I will blog again soon when there is much more to say.. Right now, mind is sort of blank. Happy thoughts?..... Needed.
Tuesday 25 August 2009
Frustrated..
I really hate it when people write 'cryptic status updates'.
You know the type, the ones that you look at and think "Hmm, I wonder who he/she's talking about there?" or "I would love to ask what's going on but don't want to seem nosey!".
The friend I wrote about in the last post has just updated her status on Facebook with a 'cryptic' type one. And I'm sat pondering about whom it's refering too, and why she has written such a thing. It's quite a harsh update, and my friend has never been such a harsh person. So she must be in a not so good frame of mind today.. Again.
I often write cryptic updates, that get peoples minds wandering, and then guaranteed a get an inbox message "So, what's your update about?".
I gave in and became one of the nosey people who ask what they are about, as I just messaged her asking. Maybe I shouldn't have done?! You can tell how much of a paranoid and insecure person I can be at times, because I've sat here and thought "Maybe it's about me?.. But, why would she write something like that about me??". Going back to the post I made yesterday : I really do need to stop thinking so much.
Today's been a dull day. I'm not feeling so good, so I spent the majority of the day in bed, listening to the kid next door screaming at their new dog.. I felt like sticking my head out of the window and screaming at him the exact same way he was screaming at the poor dog.
I hope I feel better tomorrow, I hate feeling like this. It drags me down and makes me want to cut myself off from the world for a while. Maybe that would actually be a good idea?!...
You know the type, the ones that you look at and think "Hmm, I wonder who he/she's talking about there?" or "I would love to ask what's going on but don't want to seem nosey!".
The friend I wrote about in the last post has just updated her status on Facebook with a 'cryptic' type one. And I'm sat pondering about whom it's refering too, and why she has written such a thing. It's quite a harsh update, and my friend has never been such a harsh person. So she must be in a not so good frame of mind today.. Again.
I often write cryptic updates, that get peoples minds wandering, and then guaranteed a get an inbox message "So, what's your update about?".
I gave in and became one of the nosey people who ask what they are about, as I just messaged her asking. Maybe I shouldn't have done?! You can tell how much of a paranoid and insecure person I can be at times, because I've sat here and thought "Maybe it's about me?.. But, why would she write something like that about me??". Going back to the post I made yesterday : I really do need to stop thinking so much.
Today's been a dull day. I'm not feeling so good, so I spent the majority of the day in bed, listening to the kid next door screaming at their new dog.. I felt like sticking my head out of the window and screaming at him the exact same way he was screaming at the poor dog.
I hope I feel better tomorrow, I hate feeling like this. It drags me down and makes me want to cut myself off from the world for a while. Maybe that would actually be a good idea?!...
Monday 24 August 2009
Don't bring me flowers after I'm dead..
I'm feeling slightly emotional retarded right now. Actually, scrap that, I'm feeling totally emotional drained.
The weekend was okay, had plenty of up's and down's.
My head is pretty all over the place right now.. Not sure where I stand with someone, which is driving me insane. I like to know exactly what's what, and when I don't, my mind tends to waver and work overtime.
I really dislike it when someone gives you hopes and prospects and then they are shattered by finding out what that person really wants. Okay, I know that's not making much sense, but to me it does.
I have this friend - who well, I love to pieces. Strictly just on a friendship basis, obviously I find her very attractive and things did go what some would say 'waaay past the friendship point' not so long back. It was good. Didn't change a thing which I liked. But, her mood constantly changes from day to day. And sometimes I really feel like I'm walking on eggshells. She sometimes makes me feel as though I've done something wrong, when deep down I know I haven't. I think she's just a little confused in life at the moment?!
Anyway, getting to the main point I'm mentioning her : She asked me a question earlier "If you had something on your mind that you feel you really need to tell somebody, but you know/thought it wouldn't make a difference to the person you were saying it to, would you still tell them?". I answered with "Personally, I would. Because even though you feel like it's not gonna change how they feel or think, it's a weight off your mind and puts you at ease knowing you've got something off your chest."
At the end of the message after asking me that questiong she stated "It's not about you!". This automatically makes me think that it is. Or else she wouldn't have said that right? If she hadn't have that, I wouldn't have thought it was about me. Now I do, and I'm dying to know actually what she is talking about. Don't you just hate it when people do that?! So annoying.
Okay, so now I'm just completely rambling. My mind is like one giant rambling right now, with a whole load of thoughts and feelings going on.
Gay pride at the weekend. Was kinda looking forward to it, now I'm kinda not. For certain reasons we shall not talk about because I'll be here typing til xmas.
I'm currently watching CSI. I have a slight obsession with this programme.. But, it baffles me a little. When they go on crime scenes they don't wear any protective clothing or things to cover up their hair, surely that's contaminating the scene? I know it's a drama fictionally series, but you would think they would make it more realistic!.. That's just proved my point, I THINK WAY TOO MUCH!!!
Really obsessed with the song "Don't bring me flowers after I'm dead" hense the title of the blog post. It makes me think about certain aspects of my life.. Not the best of ones, but still. It makes me think..
Gosh, now I'm thinking about me thinking too much.... It's making my head hurt!!!!!
The weekend was okay, had plenty of up's and down's.
My head is pretty all over the place right now.. Not sure where I stand with someone, which is driving me insane. I like to know exactly what's what, and when I don't, my mind tends to waver and work overtime.
I really dislike it when someone gives you hopes and prospects and then they are shattered by finding out what that person really wants. Okay, I know that's not making much sense, but to me it does.
I have this friend - who well, I love to pieces. Strictly just on a friendship basis, obviously I find her very attractive and things did go what some would say 'waaay past the friendship point' not so long back. It was good. Didn't change a thing which I liked. But, her mood constantly changes from day to day. And sometimes I really feel like I'm walking on eggshells. She sometimes makes me feel as though I've done something wrong, when deep down I know I haven't. I think she's just a little confused in life at the moment?!
Anyway, getting to the main point I'm mentioning her : She asked me a question earlier "If you had something on your mind that you feel you really need to tell somebody, but you know/thought it wouldn't make a difference to the person you were saying it to, would you still tell them?". I answered with "Personally, I would. Because even though you feel like it's not gonna change how they feel or think, it's a weight off your mind and puts you at ease knowing you've got something off your chest."
At the end of the message after asking me that questiong she stated "It's not about you!". This automatically makes me think that it is. Or else she wouldn't have said that right? If she hadn't have that, I wouldn't have thought it was about me. Now I do, and I'm dying to know actually what she is talking about. Don't you just hate it when people do that?! So annoying.
Okay, so now I'm just completely rambling. My mind is like one giant rambling right now, with a whole load of thoughts and feelings going on.
Gay pride at the weekend. Was kinda looking forward to it, now I'm kinda not. For certain reasons we shall not talk about because I'll be here typing til xmas.
I'm currently watching CSI. I have a slight obsession with this programme.. But, it baffles me a little. When they go on crime scenes they don't wear any protective clothing or things to cover up their hair, surely that's contaminating the scene? I know it's a drama fictionally series, but you would think they would make it more realistic!.. That's just proved my point, I THINK WAY TOO MUCH!!!
Really obsessed with the song "Don't bring me flowers after I'm dead" hense the title of the blog post. It makes me think about certain aspects of my life.. Not the best of ones, but still. It makes me think..
Gosh, now I'm thinking about me thinking too much.... It's making my head hurt!!!!!
Sunday 23 August 2009
Urghh
I have thee worst hangover in the world. I blame the wine AND beer, not the fact I was the one pouring them down my neck willingly.
Moral of the story for today : Never mix your drinks.
I don't see me doing much today, other than drinking multiple amounts of tea and 2 paracetamol every 4 hours until this god awful headache goes.
Not looking forward to tonight, don't really see myself getting much sleep as we have the 'loud mouth drunken idiot' staying over.. That is what I like to refer to him anyway, I find it very accurate.
I'm gonna go and tuck up in bed with my brew and watch hollyoaks and the highlights from V fest.. Not quite sure why I've been watching them because it just makes me really want to be there. Roll on next year - Glasto is a MUST!
Ok back to bed for me. I may do a more indepth post later on when I'm feeling a little less like a walking zombie.
Bye for now.
Moral of the story for today : Never mix your drinks.
I don't see me doing much today, other than drinking multiple amounts of tea and 2 paracetamol every 4 hours until this god awful headache goes.
Not looking forward to tonight, don't really see myself getting much sleep as we have the 'loud mouth drunken idiot' staying over.. That is what I like to refer to him anyway, I find it very accurate.
I'm gonna go and tuck up in bed with my brew and watch hollyoaks and the highlights from V fest.. Not quite sure why I've been watching them because it just makes me really want to be there. Roll on next year - Glasto is a MUST!
Ok back to bed for me. I may do a more indepth post later on when I'm feeling a little less like a walking zombie.
Bye for now.
Saturday 22 August 2009
Sunshine on a rainy day..
I woke up to the sun shining through my bedroom window. This was evidently going to set me up with a smile for the day. Whether the smile fades throughout the day, obviously yet to be seen, lets hope not.
So just a quick blog as I'm setting off to go food shopping soon.. Urgh food shopping, I wish it didn't have to be done.
Had a really good nights sleep, not sure why because I was quite uncomfortable and kept tossing and turning for about a half hour after my head hit the pillow, but when I eventually dropped off - it was quite a deep one.
Recently I've been having really bizarre dreams, then when I wake up can't remember them. Which is really frustrating because I love remembering my dreams. I must've had a funny one last night as when I woke up this morning, I was laughing. Maybe it was a dirty dream? Although I'm not sure I would've woke up laughing if it was, I guess that's just wishfull thinking.
Totally craving a starbucks vanilla latte this morning, I might just have to pop in and get one before I do the food shop, after all I will need a bit of inspiration from somewhere.
Had some wine last night, maybe not the best idea, but I got a little tipsy and said a couple things that maybe in the long run would be better left unsaid. Well I can't take back time, so at least everything is in the open now.
Amazing how it sometimes feels like a weights been lifted when you open up your real and true feelings isn't it?!
Also I'm feeling a little less angry and frustrated today, woke up in a good frame of mind, and thought "Things go on, I shall not dwell on something that's never going to happen".
I'm beginning to realise friends that I thought were real 'friends' are actually just people I know. People that treated me as a friend at a time it was needed, and now just treat me like I'm any Joe Bloggs off the street.
I really really HATE ignorance. Especially in the form of waiting hours on end for a text reply.
Oh on a lighter note : X Factor starts tonight, which means for an hour + I will be sat infront of the TV drooling like a cocker spaniel over Cheryl Cole. Especially with her new red hair.. Blimey, that lady is something else.
Time for me to go food shopping now.. Wish me luck, Lord knows I'll need it.
So just a quick blog as I'm setting off to go food shopping soon.. Urgh food shopping, I wish it didn't have to be done.
Had a really good nights sleep, not sure why because I was quite uncomfortable and kept tossing and turning for about a half hour after my head hit the pillow, but when I eventually dropped off - it was quite a deep one.
Recently I've been having really bizarre dreams, then when I wake up can't remember them. Which is really frustrating because I love remembering my dreams. I must've had a funny one last night as when I woke up this morning, I was laughing. Maybe it was a dirty dream? Although I'm not sure I would've woke up laughing if it was, I guess that's just wishfull thinking.
Totally craving a starbucks vanilla latte this morning, I might just have to pop in and get one before I do the food shop, after all I will need a bit of inspiration from somewhere.
Had some wine last night, maybe not the best idea, but I got a little tipsy and said a couple things that maybe in the long run would be better left unsaid. Well I can't take back time, so at least everything is in the open now.
Amazing how it sometimes feels like a weights been lifted when you open up your real and true feelings isn't it?!
Also I'm feeling a little less angry and frustrated today, woke up in a good frame of mind, and thought "Things go on, I shall not dwell on something that's never going to happen".
I'm beginning to realise friends that I thought were real 'friends' are actually just people I know. People that treated me as a friend at a time it was needed, and now just treat me like I'm any Joe Bloggs off the street.
I really really HATE ignorance. Especially in the form of waiting hours on end for a text reply.
Oh on a lighter note : X Factor starts tonight, which means for an hour + I will be sat infront of the TV drooling like a cocker spaniel over Cheryl Cole. Especially with her new red hair.. Blimey, that lady is something else.
Time for me to go food shopping now.. Wish me luck, Lord knows I'll need it.
Friday 21 August 2009
What do we have here then..
Okay so this is my first blog post. Not quite sure what I'm actually supposed to do, or say for that matter.. But i guess it'll kill some time.
In these blogs you are supposed to talk about how you're feeling right?
Well, right now I'm feeling kind of blank. Not sure what I'm feeling, a mixture of anger and unwanted-ness?
I'm becoming too emotional attached to 'something' that I shouldn't. I like feeling this way, but at the same time it scares me.
Like I said.. Mixture of emotions.
I'm also pretty fed up of not having much money, there is alot of things I want to do and I want to buy.. I blame the invention of online shopping for me craving things.
I really need a full time job, but with economy in such a terrible state right now, I'm slowly beginning to give up on anything jobwise, or should I say losing faith in anything under my criteria coming available.
Anyway, enough moaning : Manc Pride next weekend, I love this yearly event. Gorgeous lesbians and camp music - bliss.
I'm feeling quite alone right now. I enjoy having the house to myself for the freedom to do what I want, watch what I want on the tv, occasionally walk round the house naked. But the quiet makes me feel really uneasy.
Okay I think that's it for now I think, I'm gonna go and make strawberry tea.. Which is slowly becoming an healthy obsession of mine.
Oh and last but not least - I need a girl, a nice girl. Simple.
In these blogs you are supposed to talk about how you're feeling right?
Well, right now I'm feeling kind of blank. Not sure what I'm feeling, a mixture of anger and unwanted-ness?
I'm becoming too emotional attached to 'something' that I shouldn't. I like feeling this way, but at the same time it scares me.
Like I said.. Mixture of emotions.
I'm also pretty fed up of not having much money, there is alot of things I want to do and I want to buy.. I blame the invention of online shopping for me craving things.
I really need a full time job, but with economy in such a terrible state right now, I'm slowly beginning to give up on anything jobwise, or should I say losing faith in anything under my criteria coming available.
Anyway, enough moaning : Manc Pride next weekend, I love this yearly event. Gorgeous lesbians and camp music - bliss.
I'm feeling quite alone right now. I enjoy having the house to myself for the freedom to do what I want, watch what I want on the tv, occasionally walk round the house naked. But the quiet makes me feel really uneasy.
Okay I think that's it for now I think, I'm gonna go and make strawberry tea.. Which is slowly becoming an healthy obsession of mine.
Oh and last but not least - I need a girl, a nice girl. Simple.
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